You know why January 1 is a holiday, right? It was instituted
to commemorate the deification of Julius Caesar. Now, far be it
from me to suggest that this years presidential candidates should
honor the memory of our ancient Roman forebears by thinking of the
good of the Republic and then, I dont know, stabbing each other to
death. I do have some advice for them, though. Im offering
ready-made New Years resolutions for the folks who oh, I can hardly
bear to make my sad, disbelieving fingers type these wordsmight be
our next president:
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